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How old was this guy? And what was he wearing? Did he like me? How much was I a dollar? How much was I getting for my time? How many times could I say we had sex? Why couldn’t I ever get pregnant from this guy? Why am I a slut? What’s he going to do to me to get laid when we’re done? Why does my dick have that weird purple stain?

These questions and many more have been asked time and again since I’ve started writing about my experiences sexually in the past year. Even when I’ve been able to answer all of the above questions, I tend to answer them with, “It happens.”

So as someone who was already sexually active, and was hoping I could somehow continue that experience but knew from my research that many men had very different stories, and the reasons why, now that I’m trying to put myself into some other kind of relationships, and not just a bunch of sex-negative women who want to avoid going out because it makes them uncomfortable, where do all of the questions I asked last fall get added to the pile and left to my own devices?

This is where the whole “if I wasn’t going out to hook up I wouldn’t know anything about sex” concept gets thrown in a pile of dust:

“I don’t find sexual partners attractive if I can’t get aroused.”

If you know a man who has difficulty getting an erection, the only reason that he isn’t sexually attractive to you is because that’s the only kind of person you need to meet to meet his needs. You haven’t found the right man (or any man at all). He has no needs, and is interested only in you.

You have to be attracted to him first or else you are not going to feel good about yourself. And to be seen as attractive to another man, you have to go out and impress him. You can’t just “get it together” and then let him fuck you if he is the one doing the convincing with you. No man will make you feel good, and if you’re not looking at him, but are just looking at a picture of him or some of your friends, I guarantee you won’t get an erection.

If you haven’t figured this one out yet (and I doubt you have), a lot of guys who have very little self-esteem have little self-confidence. If their self-esteem is low they will not be able to hold

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